I spent this morning going to garage sales in Prescott Lakes (they were having a community wide sale, so there were many to hit) this morning with my mom. It was a great distraction and I managed to feel almost normal for most of the day. If only I could go to garage sales all day every day, maybe I could escape this sadness, ha ha.
In the evening, we went to the first piece of the stay-at-home women’s retreat at church. This was hard. Sitting there, just listening and having so much time to think made me emotional again. But I gleaned something important from the speaker. She had us look at lamplight with our naked eye—the light is white, normal. Then she had us look at lamplight through a color wheel filter and we could see all the rainbow colors that actually make up white light. She said this is the difference in how we see things and how God sees them. We see just the white light—one, general, flat thing. God knows there actually many more angles and things involved than what we can see, many colors’ worth—ROYGBIV (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet). Sometimes we just have to trust that there is so much more to a situation than we can see with our earthly eyes. I see how that is so relevant to my current situation with the loss of our precious baby. I see only a bleak white light, but God knows the full rainbow behind it. Later on, it occurred to me that there are 7 colors in the rainbow and 7 has always been one of my favorite numbers. 3 and 7, the biblical numbers. So, there can be 7 good things in the undercurrent of Luke’s loss. 7 reasons why He allowed this pain in our lives. 7 benefits that we will know of when we get to heaven. Here are all the possible ones I have thought of in the last 17 days since we lost Luke:
- Maybe Luke and other babies who are lost before birth get a special place/reward in heaven.
- From reading the book “Heaven is Real” in which the family’s unborn daughter is a child in heaven, maybe babies who die get to stay kids forever, or at least for longer, in heaven. Who wouldn’t want to be a kid longer? Being a kid is great!
- Maybe this tragedy will bring my husband and I closer. It feels like it is and I feel like I have never loved him more.
- Maybe this will bring my husband closer to God.
- Maybe God will use this situation to witness to others.
- Maybe one day we will be able to comfort others as they go through a similar situation.
- Maybe as another blogger who has experienced a baby loss suggested, mothers who lose babies so early get to raise them in heaven. Maybe we get a longer, more perfect mommy experience in heaven than we could on earth.