Wrote thank you notes to the nurses from the hospital birthing center this morning to go with chocolate covered strawberries I made last night. I had fun making the strawberries and hoped they would understand how much I appreciated the special care we got. There were 2 nurses, including one named Kristin who also lost her first son at 39 weeks, who were really special. Our night nurse, Dawn, asked to be with us throughout our stay and was an immense and consistent comfort. I want them to know how much they helped during this most awful time of my life. But this morning, writing the thank you notes was hard. It is just so wrong to be writing notes that say, “Thank you for your gentleness and caring during the loss and birth of our son Luke”. I should be writing notes that say “Thank you for the adorable pants with the frog on the butt”, not this! It just struck my heart as so messed up and brought frustrated tears. I wish I had to stop writing cards to tend to a fussing baby. Why is this our life? Why do we have to be these people when so many others go into that hospital and come out with living, healthy babies? Why are we the ones who had to go to a funeral home and have ashes to pick up from our precious baby? How did this happen? The world got turned upside down with 6 words “Okay, so there is no heartbeat.”. I hate it.