Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. We got married on 10-10-10. It is off to a pretty good start. I slept almost 11 hours and had pizza for breakfast (I’m off work this week for Fall Break). My husband left me a cute voicemail this morning singing “Happy Anniversary” to the tune of “Happy Birthday”. I am so thankful for him and his love and support. I don’t know what it would be like to go through this loss alone and I’m so glad I don’t.
As with all significant dates, this date makes me think of what was happening last year on our 2nd anniversary. We had found out we were pregnant about one month before. We were so excited. We went to dinner at a favorite place. I obviously wasn’t showing yet, but I reveled in the fact that I had to be careful what I ordered to eat and couldn’t have any alcohol. I remember wanting to tell the waitress, “No, I can’t have that—I’m pregnant!!” I wanted to shout it to the world. It brought a huge grin every time I got to mention being pregnant to anyone. In the card I gave Josh, I wrote that we were getting the best gift ever that year. Remembering these tender things hurts. Our last anniversary was so full of joy and excitement.
This year, I have a card for him and I will write that I love him and am thankful for him, but I cannot write about the best gift ever coming. I cannot write about him being such a good dad to our 5-month-old Luke. It stinks.
Please God, let there be more joyful times like this coming soon. Please continue helping us to heal and to communicate with each other about what we need. Josh doesn’t say a ton, but help me to be an encouragement and a comfort to him, Lord. Please heal his precious heart. Thank you for him. Keep us strong in our marriage. Please help me to be a better wife each year we are married. And please God, give us another baby in your perfect time. Help us to be faithful and patient. Let us know when it is the right time to begin trying to conceive again. Please heal my body fully from the c-section and make it strong and ready for the next baby. That baby is yours, as Luke is, but I hope that we might get to keep the next one on earth for a long lifetime. Make us good parents to Luke and any babies hopefully to come. Thank you that I am not alone on this path and thank you for all the blessings you have given us.