A Thanksgiving card

I got a Thanksgiving card from my classroom aide who lost twin boys 39 years ago.  I think she meant it in the best way and if I read it in a stronger, better mood, it almost seems good, but it still bothers me.  She points out all I have to be thankful for and tells me to smile.  I know I DO have a lot to be thankful for.  I should be thankful and I am.  But I’m also sad.  This Thanksgiving cannot be the normal fun time with family and food.  I will see my family and we will have food and I’m sure some happy moments, but there is a hole.  The empty spot she refers to hurts.  It can’t be filled by my husband’s new job, good health and other people.  I don’t even want it to.  I do want to be thankful to my Lord, but I also want to be aware of my Luke who is missing.  I think it’s okay to be sad about that.  I don’t always want to count my blessings and smile.  I choose not to feel like I have to all the time.  Whether she or anyone else likes it or not.




5 thoughts on “A Thanksgiving card

  1. Yeah, my husband and i were recently talking (and laughing bc it’s all you can do) about all of the crazy, dumb, insensitive, ridiculous, hurtful, inappropriate, non-helpful things people say to us. And, yes, majority of those people probably have good intentions-but it still sucks. Sometimes nodding along can get to be really frustrating… looking out for the feelings of others while they unintentionally stomp all over ours can take its toll. You’re right, despite the things we are thankful for, the hurt of our losses often outweighs the good-in fact, they don’t even seem to exist in the same universe. Try to keep in mind that, unless they’ve been through what we have, they’ll never understand. Despite our similarities even you and I have differences in our experiences that make our pain-and our grief-slightly different. You’re the only one who knows what is right for you and your husband. Try to take cards like the one you received (and similar actions) as just someone who cares-who doesn’t get it but wants to help-consider it an awkward hug and if it feels wierd leave it behind. And, if you need to tell someone about some dumb advice (etc) that a friend, family member, or complete stranger has forced on you any day, you know where to find me-chances are I’ll have my own (similar) story to share. Keep your chin up toots. 🙂

  2. For me, if I know the person, and don’t usually have a problem with them being insensitive to me before Alexis, than when they do say something insensitive, I try to remind myself that they just don’t understand what I am going through and they didn’t mean to come across as cold. It is when people I don’t know (they know my friend’s neighbor’s great-aunt’s dog groomer, or something like that), who say hurtful things that I just can’t dismiss.

  3. The well-intentioned stuff hurts the most, even though it isn’t supposed to. I’ve ruined a couple people’s days before that tried to help when they looked to me for an answer.

    Praying for you guys this week!

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