Christmas

So I would say the letter to my family about my desire for Luke to be included in Christmas was a success.  They didn’t reply to the email or say anything directly about it, which is typical (not because they’re mean or anything, they don’t really reply to emails), but they did take it to heart.  It was not a bad day, although it did of course include sadness.  I cried for a few minutes in the closet mid-day.  Some of the day was a little blurry for me.  I couldn’t remember what presents I got the next day.  But we had some good family time, nice meals and thoughtful gifts.  When my dad said the prayer before dinner, he didn’t mention Luke by name, but he said, “It’s been a hard year…” and I appreciated that.  Before they left, my mom said she hoped I had a good day.  Then she said, “Well, you got through it” and I cried a little while she gave me a long hug.  It was nice to have that element of the day acknowledged.

Here are the ways that they included Luke in the day:

My mom had asked what she might sew me for Christmas gifts.  I said a stocking for Luke with his name on it and some pajama pants.  Here is Luke’s stocking.  My mom made a big point of giving it to me on Christmas eve, even though that meant opening it in the parking lot of church after the candlelight service and it was freezing.  I assume she wanted it to be hung before Christmas morning, which was nice.

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My sister had a present for me to open on Christmas eve too.  She gave us this candle.  It’s a little hard to read in the picture, but it says “Luke’s light never fades in heaven.”  She said she thought we could light it on holidays as a way of having him with us.  She said she thought for like 5 days about what to put on it and she hoped it was good.  I loved the gesture to include him.

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This was my favorite gift.  I had mentioned to my sister that I wanted a piece to add to my Luke necklace with his hand and/or footprint on it.  I had seen it on etsy.  She told me she wanted to get it for me for Christmas and asked me to email her a link of my favorite one.  It’s real silver and it’s an imprint of his actual handprint.  I love it.  It feels nice to rub his little hand and have it close to my heart.

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So, friends, we have survived Christmas, the first one for many of us.  Good job!  I hope you had blessings in your day.  It’s almost a new year and I am glad for that!

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Merry Christmas

Christmas card from the Hoppers

Here is our Christmas card.  It was a last-minute idea.  I felt a surge of desire to have Luke seen and remembered, so I decided to put him on our card.  I wanted to be sending a collage card this year with pictures of our new, cute baby and thought “Who says I can’t still do that?”  I wasn’t going to do cards and only found the energy (only enough energy for an e-card, mind you) when I realized it could be an opportunity to share Luke.  I emailed it to friends and relatives, including some who didn’t want to see his pictures when they were offered.  To those who had refused his pictures, I felt like “Take that!  You’re going to see him anyways!” ( I actually envisioned a little victorious 1,2 air punch as these words ran through my mind.)  I also posted it on Facebook, which is the first time I have shared any picture of him other than his foot there, although I had contemplated doing so for a long time.  It felt good, although also just a little scary. Thank you to you friends who told me how you have shared your babies’ pictures in a public way–your stories gave me courage.

Some people may be offended or think I’m morbid, but oh well.  He is part of our family and part of our Christmas and I think his picture is beautiful. I feel like the pictures help prove that he is real.   I think they show that he was a fully-formed baby like any other baby.  I want people to know that. Every lost baby picture I have seen is beautiful, no matter the circumstances.  Our babies are real humans that deserve to be seen and celebrated.  If anyone wants to share your baby’s pictures with me, I would love to see them.

So far, I have only gotten nice emails and loving comments on a beautiful card/family and his “perfect little face”:)  It warms my heart for him to be a part of our Christmas in a public way.  Merry Christmas my Luke!  Merry Christmas dear friends!

Filled with Joy and Peace

I recently received this verse via email from 2 valuable friends within days of each other.  I also came across it again last night while reading my Bible before bed. I think God really wanted me to hear this one.  I thought it worth sharing.  I will add it to my “Comfort from God” page.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all Joy and Peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” –Romans 15:13

Dear Friends, I hope that God fills you with Joy, Peace and Hope very soon. And not just a little of it, but to overflowing as this verse says.