God has blessed Josh and I with a second baby. You know that I had been praying for God to give us a baby for Christmas. I know others were praying for this too. It worked! God granted that hope. I took a pregnancy test on Christmas morning and it was negative, but when I still hadn’t gotten my period three days later, I took another test and it was positive! So, it was a belated Chrismas/New Year’s gift.
I’m not sure why it took me a bit to post this? I think it is taking awhile for it to feel real. Seeing the baby for the first time last week made it more real. The nausea and fatigue that I am feeling much stronger than with Luke is also making it real. Here is our first picture, at 7.5 weeks last Wednesday:
Isn’t it cute? I’m excited because my new OB seems to have much better equipment than the other doctors, even the perinatal office in Phoenix that is fancy and big and has many OBs. With Luke, at this first ultrasound, I could only see a little blob and that beautiful flickering heart, but this time I could see a head and the little arm and leg buds. It was very reassuring. I needed that first “everything’s okay” and I likely will need many more.
Right after Luke’s birth, I switched to a female OB I met in the hospital delivering him. She is wonderful and has prayed with me while holding my hand at my post-Luke appointment and at this first appointment with this baby. She prayed for wisdom for her and any other doctors and for a healthy baby. So humble and giving it over to the Lord. It was by far the most comforting thing she could have done for me. So far, I know that we will have a repeat C-section between 36 and 38 weeks, since Luke was lost at 39 weeks without any warning signs. That means this baby will come in August. I will have some extra tests and visits, which most people find reassuring, but which I don’t really. I already had extra monitoring with Luke (because I am over 35 and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes) and he always passed every test with flying colors, including a non-stress test 3 days before we found out he was gone. The only thing that reassures me is that I know God has a perfect plan that I can trust in. I know that even if the worst happens, He will never leave me and He will carry me through.
I am happy and excited. I am so thankful. It is nice to feel “allowed” back into the world of baby that I had so suddenly been shut out of. I bought some little baby blue Converse last week (figuring a boy or girl could wear them), just to enjoy this new baby. I am also scared and anxious and feeling sick a lot. I am reminding myself frequently to “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” I’m trying not to worry too much. So far, I feel like this baby is going to be okay. I’m just taking it one day at a time, which currently is mostly focused on dealing with feeling crumby. Crumby, but thankful.
Thank you for this blessing, Lord. This baby belongs to You as Luke does, but I hope your plan is for this one to stay with us much longer before going to heaven, even though heaven is the best place for anyone.
I hope that this announcement gives you friends hope for what is coming your way too.