I had an OB appointment today during lunch (which ended up taking over 2 hours to and from, much longer than my lunch time, but my classroom aides covered my class thankfully). I was nervous and worried. I knew this was the first appointment (almost 10 weeks) that she might try to hear the heartbeat with the doppler. Since the N.P. had told me that might not work because of my “extra tissue”/fat, I was afraid that we wouldn’t be able to hear it and I would start to panic. I got more anxious as I sat waiting and getting hungry because I didn’t have time to eat beforehand. But as soon as she came in, she made it so much better. I really love my OB. I am SO thankful that God sent me her that first day in the hospital when we had just learned our Luke was gone and went to deliver him. God knew that I needed her.
She was calm and reassuring and told me everything looked good in my previous ultrasound and blood work. She suggested a book to me that she is reading called, “Jesus Calling” that is a daily devotional that helps with worry. She said it’s like “getting a voicemail from God every day”. How cool would that be? We had a nice conversation about her daughters in which she shared some of her life with me. When she said, “Okay, hop up on the table”, I asked if she was going to try to hear the heartbeat. I told her I was scared. She said, “Nah, I’m going to do the portable ultrasound”. She left briefly, then came back and said, “Come with me”. The ultrasound room was open, so she had the tech do a real ultrasound with me, while she watched and encouraged me. She said it was “off the books”, so basically she gave me a free, unscheduled ultrasound. It was so kind and so helpful. She knew I needed that reassurance. She told the tech that I had had a previous bad outcome. She then said she was thankful that we had met through that because she was really happy to care for me. I realized that that is true–I would proably not have found her if we hadn’t lost Luke.
I had a moment of fear as it took a minute for the tech to locate the baby and zero in (it was my first over-the-tummy ultrasound instead of the vaginal wand), but then I saw it, looking like a baby and not a blob and wiggling around beautifully. Then we listened to the glorious heartbeat. I didn’t even realize how truly anxious I’d been until the relief flooded in. The baby is measuring right on and they said the heartbeat was great.
It was wonderful. Thank you, Lord, for always knowing just what I need and for taking such good care of me. Thank you for sending me this OB who makes me feel so special and cared for. Thank you, friends, for caring enough to read this blog and send me kind comments. I think this is going to be a long road, but I do not feel alone on it.