Can we bring our new baby for show and tell?

That is the question I got from a parent of one of my students a couple days ago.  They have a week-old baby boy and they want to bring him for their son’s show and tell time in my classroom tomorrow.  I didn’t know how to answer, so I said, “Ummmm” a lot before asking weren’t they concerned about the high level of germs at a school?  They said no, he’s already been out so if he was going to get something, he’d already have it.  I finally said I had to check with the office and asked if I could get back to them.  I felt frustrated and hurt that they didn’t realize this might be hard for me. (Since I teach a K-3rd special education class, I have students for multiple years.  Their son was in my class last year and they know about Luke. They had sent me a gift for him and we had exchanged one email about his loss.)   It has been 9 months now since Luke was born, so I feel less sensitive about this than I did earlier on in the grief process, but I still have yet to be close to a brand new baby. I thought about it awhile and discussed it with my mom, my aides and the front office staff.  None of them realized until I pointed it out that it might be hard for me emotionally.  Everyone seemed to think it was a little funny and maybe not what they’d choose to do with their own baby, but fine.  

I decided I couldn’t really justify saying no.  I called the parents back to say that they could bring the baby.  After a brief discussion, the mom said, “Are you sure YOU’RE okay with it?” to which I finally got to acknowledge that I’m not sure if I am.  I told her I thought I might be able to handle it, but that if I couldn’t, I would just leave the room.  I found myself thinking about it alot while trying to go to sleep last night.  I guess I could use some prayers in handling this tomorrow morning please. 

I can’t help but feel some of my old human feelings creep in, like why do these people who already have 3 kids with special needs and live on government assistance get another baby when I couldn’t even get my first one?  Why do Josh and I, who both work more than full-time, have an over $3000 hospital bill (our 20% after insurance) that we are paying on and these people get baby after baby at zero cost to them because they are on state insurance?  Arg.  It is a consistent struggle against seeing things as “unfair” that are not mine to judge or understand.  Lord, help give me your eyes and your perspective.  I know we have so much to be thankful for.

 

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10 thoughts on “Can we bring our new baby for show and tell?

  1. I firmly believe maternity should be free for everyone – which is a side note obviously.

    I can’t handle baby boys at all. One of my dearest friends is having a boy in may, god willing, and I am terrified of the whole thing. In your shoes, I’d probably say okay, but make someone cover me… Will be praying for you, you’re braver than I am.

  2. Wow…that’s a tough one. I haven’t been around any new babies since Aj was born, and I’m not sure I could handle it at this point. When the moment comes, just see how you feel and take it from there. I’ll be praying for you tonight.

    I also continue to deal with those old human feelings. I just keep replaying Jesus’ response to Peter over and over again in my mind. And I continue to wait for God to send me a rainbow.

  3. That baby is going to get hand, foot and mouth disease! Sheesh, one week old? I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully the anticipation is worse than the actual experience will be? I know how painful little babies are, I will be praying for you. Maybe when you see the baby tomorrow you can just envision your own new baby that will be all yours to hold and keep in just a few months.

  4. Praying for strength to face this this morning and the courage to be present when all you want to do is hide. I totally get it. People are so insensitive…

  5. Thanks everyone. It’s really nice to be reassured that others do understand this. No one in close proximity seems to really get it. I’m so thankful for you guys who do.

  6. I haven’t read online for a few days because I’ve been sick and I just read this now and I don’t know if the newborn has come to school yet, but it is ok to leave the room when the baby comes! I want you to know that! I swear I have the same feelings about being around newborns or just babies in general. Like you said so perfectly, my human feelings get going when I see a perfectly healthy baby. WHY US? I don’t think people get it either. I have had people (even close friends and family) forget about what they are saying/doing and don’t realize how it can still hurt. I think people are so consumed with themselves that they forget or don’t even know the littlest things that can break us.

    I am so sorry you have to be put in this situation. But please know, that it is perfectly ok to leave the room. I am terrible and have told all of my family and friends to keep their babies at a distance and to never ask me to hold their little one. They didn’t get until I told them that the last baby I held was Jonah and my arms aren’t ready for it yet.

    Side note – We are paying $8,000 out of pocket for everything with Jonah. Every time I get my monthly bill in the mail I cry and cry and cry. All this money and no baby.

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