Are You a Mother?

I have had a substitute classroom aide for the last 2 days.  She’s a woman I’ve had many times over the last 6 years and she’s a nice lady, but she makes me a little crazy.  She is old and a little dinghy.  She asks questions that have obvious answers and forgets a lot of things. When she showed up yesterday, I gritted my teeth a little, anticipating something uncomfortable to happen.  The last time she was here, she asked me about my baby.  So, I had to explain what happened.  It was awkward.  Apparently, she has forgotten that.

This morning, she asked me, “Are you?….(gesturing to my belly)…in the…motherly way?”  Yes, I say. She says, “I thought I saw a little pooch.”  I hoped that was it.  I guess I can be glad she didn’t ask this when I was not pregnant.

I have been avoiding Mother’s Day things all day.  One of my regular aides had the kids make a gift for their moms, but she left me out of it as I had requested.  I managed to mostly ignore that happening.  The end of the day came and I walked the kids to the door to say goodbye.  The adults said goodbye, have a nice weekend, etc. One gave me a pointed look as he said it because he knows it’s not an easy time for me.  Then one boy said, “Happy Mother’s Day!” and a couple others followed suit.  I swallowed hard and kept waving.  The sub aide was last in line.  She stopped.  She said, “Have a good Mother’s Day.  Well… Are you a mother?”  I said yes.  She said, “Well, mother to be?”   This infuriates me because I think everyone woman who has ever been pregnant is a mother.  I am a mother to Luke and I am a mother to this baby.  Either one on their own would still make me a mother, in my opinion.  Not a “mother to be”, a mother! 

Then she continued, “But I remember a couple of years ago you were pregnant?”  I said, “Last year.”  (I was giving short answers hoping to stop the conversation.)  She said, “Did something happen?”  I said yes.  She said, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up…”  Yes!  I wish you didn’t!  It’s one thing to talk about it with people I love and people who understand, but I really don’t want to talk about it with you, spacey lady who forgets anyways!   Bleck. 

I know this is going to be a hard/weird weekend for many of us.  I hope that you ladies are honored as mothers as you should be.


5 thoughts on “Are You a Mother?

  1. This country is weird. At home, we give cards/ presents to our actual mothers, not everyone who is a mother like here. I got very confused the first year when my sister in law sent me a card.

    But then there are these idiot people who think you aren’t a mother if your baby dies? Or if your pregnant? Parenting begins at conception surely? If I have to wish happy mother’s day to my bus driver, I’m definely going to joyfully wish it to my loss friends.

  2. I cannot believe her!! So sorry you had to deal with that. We are mothers. With child or not, we’ve had beautiful babies and even though others cannot see them, they’ll always be with us.

  3. People don’t realize what they say can hurt others. I hope she went home and realized what she said was wrong. I’m so sorry this happened. I hope your first Mother’s Day was, how do you say it?, kind to you. I had a couple of meltdowns and just remembered what it was like to carry Jacob. We are blessed with angels.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s