The non-stress tests went fine last week. No hospital trips. The only irritation last week was the ultrasound tech (another new one at a different place) who asked some questions I didn’t feel like answering. She started with “Why are they having your fluid checked weekly?”, which I felt like she should either know from my chart or didn’t really need to know; she just needed to look at what the level was (12. The appropriate range is 10 to 20–I’m just such an expert in all this mumbo jumbo now;) ) and report it. She also asked the questions I’ve gotten other times that I find strange and awkward to answer: “How many pregnancies have you had? And how many births?” She assumed I had had a miscarriage and I had to explain further. I was pretty quiet throughout, but she didn’t get the hint and asked what we were naming the baby. When I said I didn’t know, she said we had better figure it out soon. I replied that we had a few top choices and she asked what they were, then gave her opinions on them. I was just not in the mood for this chatter with another stranger that day.
I have 2 more NST’s this week, plus a visit with my beloved local OB and with the perinatalogist in Phoenix. I’m kind of looking forward to them this week as things are getting close and we are nearing the end.
Today was the first day in awhile that I didn’t have anywhere I had to go and I was looking forward to it. I worked on my to-do list. I got a few things done, but I found myself feeling restless. I would like to enjoy reading or some t.v., but I can’t seem to do so with much concentration. After a short time, I feel like I need to get up and do something else. I would guess this is partly the nesting instinct and partly anxiety. I have slept pretty well in general still, but didn’t sleep as well last night. I guess this is how this journey goes–moments of peace and excitement and moments of impatience and a little worry.
On Saturday night, I considered going to the hospital. Josh went catfishing, which he usually does fairly often but hasn’t done at all this summer. I had an evening at home alone. I decided I was feeling ready to watch “Return to Zero” which has been saved on my DVR since it came out. I was generally enjoying it–crying, relating, being excited to see famous people championing our cause, being glad that certain parts of the moviewere not part of my experience… but then I got worried. I felt like I hadn’t felt the baby as much as usual. I paused the movie and got out the Doppler. I found his heartbeat fine, but it read 104, 110 which seemed too low. (I haven’t really paid attention to the rate the few other times I have used the Doppler and don’t even know if it’s accurate being that I only paid $35 for it on ebay). I felt worried. I decided I might need to go to the hospital and started praying. I wanted to take a shower in case I did go, not having showered for 2 or 3 days (I know, ewww. I used baby wipes and dry shampoo, in my defense;) ) The shower relaxed me a little and I tried the Doppler again. It read 120’s, 154–I realized it probably wasn’t super accurate, but was also happier seeing rates like I’m used to seeing. During this, Josh came home, saw what I was doing, and said, “Do we need to go to the hospital? Let’s go.” I said that I didn’t think so and listened awhile longer. Baby boy started moving a bunch. I decided we were okay. I told Josh what I had been watching and he said, “Well, no wonder. You don’t need to be watching that while you’re pregnant!” I kind of agreed, although I still feel compelled to finish the rest of it. He said he lived it and doesn’t need to watch it in a movie.
Last Friday, I met a new loss friend. Unlike all my other treasured new friends who are in other states, this new friend lives only about 2 streets away. A month ago, she gave birth to her son Aiden at 26 weeks. He lived for 6 days. A friend threw her family a fundraiser luncheon at our neighborhood community center. We met up there. I thought she was brave to go to a public event like that one month into her grief. Thankfully, almost no one knew who she was, so she was able to just sit quietly and eat and talk. We had a good connection and I look forward to more time with her. It makes me happy to honor Luke by being able to relate to other people who have to experience this heartbreak and grief. Please send prayers for her and her family.
Only 10.5 days left. I’m so glad and so excited. He has had good movement today and I am feeling safe for the moment. At this point, I can’t imagine going any longer. It is still pretty surreal that we might actually have a baby in our house. Josh has now said he thinks Henry or Matthew for the name (from the many choices we have discussed). I like the sound of Henry and that it’s a little more rare, but I like the meaning of Matthew: “gift of God”. I’m hoping God will tell me his name clearly very soon! I want to put it on the nursery wall before he arrives. And just have something to call him! Please keep the prayers coming for a healthy, crying, happy baby and a smooth delivery. Let me know what I can pray for you on.