36 Weeks 2 days

Baby boy passed 2 more non stress tests this week.  My fluid was a 13.1 on the AFI ultrasound.  I have learned that the range is 5-20 for normal amniotic fluid, but that doctor’s like it to be at least 8.  So, we are near the middle of that range, which seems good.  He’s in the middle of the growth percentile, the fluid is in the mid-range—all that seems safe.  It continues to be a bit of a roller coaster these final weeks though.

After scaring myself Saturday night, the first part of the week was pretty normal.  Wednesday and Thursday I felt almost euphoric.  Excited, happy, content—like all was right in the world.  I really felt like we are about to bring a baby home and soon!  Wednesday that was pretty expected as I did fun things all day.  My sweet pastor’s wife and another good friend (who is newly pregnant after a miscarriage on Christmas eve, hooray!) took me to brunch and gave me cute baby gifts.  My mom and I went to Hobby Lobby to look at letters to put the baby’s name on the wall (more on the name in a minute) and to get supplies to make a thank you gift box for my OB’s staff, which I hope to complete and take to one of my last 2 appointments this week.  Then we had a late lunch, got my car washed and vacuumed of all the dog hair in preparation for installing the car seat, and got pedicures.  In the evening, Josh and I went to the pool and floated and talked about names.  It was a great day.  Thursday, I had speech clients all day so it was a work day, but I continued to feel super happy.  It is so nice to feel like that.  Yesterday, the perfect streaked dulled a bit and I felt kind of queasy after my NST appointment, so didn’t get much done between the appointment and my 2 afternoon speech appointments.

Then last night, I had the most sleepless night I’ve had thus far.  I sleep pretty well about 70% of the time, just getting up to pee a few times, and the other 30% wake up for a half hour to 2 hours to eat a snack and read for awhile.  I think I have had it pretty lucky in this area.  Last night, I dozed off pretty easily, but woke up just after midnight and couldn’t sleep until after 5:00 when the sun was up.  I tried reading, eating cereal, reading, eating leftovers, watching t.v… Around 4:00, the baby was SO active that I actually worried he was moving too much.  He was kicking, shifting and bumping around in there constantly for probably about 10 or 15 minutes.  It was a higher level of activity than usual and concerned me.  Ironic that I can even be scared by him moving!  I was glad when he settled back down a bit.  I finally fell asleep on the couch with the t.v. on.  When I got back into bed, I couldn’t tune out Josh’s snoring, so I went to sleep in the guestroom and had to try to relax all over again in that bed that feels way too firm for my giant belly.  I found myself feeling worried.  Anxious about the baby’s name; worried about knowing how to care for him.

After reading a novel for awhile, I tried reading a book that my dear friend Bethany sent me called “The Baby Whisperer” which has great tips, but instead of feeling excited, I just felt overwhelmed.  I don’t want this to come out wrong because I am SO thankful for this baby and I know I will be overjoyed to have all these new challenges to learn about.  I have been so irritated hearing people complain about caring for their babies and kids in the last 15 months.  But I’m still about to be a “new” mom in the sense of bringing a live baby home for the first time and it can still be scary.  I’ve never done this before.  There is so much that I don’t know how to do yet.  In the wee morning hours, sometimes it can seem pretty daunting.  I feel bad for feeling that way though.  I longed, hoped and prayed for this baby and I want to feel nothing but happy and thankful for his arrival.  But I am human and sometimes insecurity sneaks in.   I also remember longing for any and all of these new challenges and sleepless newborn nights when my Luke was suddenly gone.  So of course, I hope to have them this time.  Somehow it will all balance out, I’m sure.

I include all of these feelings because I want to accurately represent the full spectrum of emotions that I am experiencing.  Expecting another baby is mainly incredibly wonderful and healing, but there is some bittersweet too, as I’m sure you know or can imagine.  I hope that others won’t feel bad about their own range of emotions.

We have 6 days left now.  It is surreal and exciting.  I am panicking a little about getting the house clean enough and getting my to-do list complete!  Hopefully I can achieve a good balance of keeping myself occupied and getting enough rest for this last week.

We have still not picked his name.  I was actually crying about it this morning, feeling anxious that we will never feel certain or that I won’t love his name.  I was so in love with Luke’s name weeks before he was born and I long for that feeling of perfectness about this baby’s name.  I have been praying about it hard and I know God knows His name.  So hopefully we will soon too!

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8 thoughts on “36 Weeks 2 days

  1. I laughed when you wrote about him kicking so hard and with such intensity. Liam used to do that and I freaked out several times because I thought he was having a seizure! Well, we prayed that this baby of yours would kick to let you know he’s ok, maybe God is showing His humorous side and will give you a running, kicking little dare devil (like Liam!) Your feelings of being overwhelmed are totally normal and you should not feel guilty at all! Even though you are thankful for and so blessed by this new baby, he is still a new baby, and that is a LOT to take in. I was just starting to feel a little overwhelmed today thinking about having three kids in October (even though I’ve been BEGGING God for three kids for years.) You are going to be an amazing mother. Praying for you and counting down the days!

    • That’s funny that you said you worried Liam might be having seizures when he moved so much. Josh actually said, “maybe he was having a seizure.” Geez! It didn’t feel like that, but I did have that thought too. With Luke a couple of times, I felt a weird stomach muscle spasmy feeling that I later worried might have been him having a seizure, but I think it was really just a muscle spasm as it felt very surface level. The things we come up with, huh?

  2. I felt the same way with Willow – child was so crazy I had visions of her knotting her cord up.

    And new mum worries are totally reasonable – even when you know what’s coming. I felt the same way. And it is exhausting, but in a wonderful way – when it starts to get too much I take a second and praise God for all my babies and ask him to give me the strength to continue to serve my family cheerfully. So far so good 🙂

    I can’t wait to see this little man! Counting down with you xxx

  3. My lil sir is a big kicker as well! Some times it takes me by surprise! But I always love feeling/seeing him kick! There are times I feel like he is doing ‘The Wave’ or playing the drums! And just like Siobhan, I have feared he would knot up his cord with all his activity.
    My last AFI measurement (they do it each week), showed over 23! I saw someone else comment that it should be between 10-20, so when I saw my number, I was worried, but they said it can be up to 25. Now I am doing research as to what it could mean if it is so high! :-/

    • There was a lady who had her nst’s at the same time as me with extra fluid, and I think they said she just needed extra monitoring as it would be harder for her to feel him move. Dunno though, they were letting her go full term.

    • That’s not very high, I don’t think? If it can be up to 25, then you’re in range. I was personally more worried about being low. I’m not certain, but it seems like they might have told me I was around a 5 when I came in with Luke, after he was gone, so that was one thing I wondered about. I don’t know if it maybe went lower because he was gone or if it might have contributed somehow. Since I have gestational diabetes, one of the side effects of that can be higher fluid levels, so I guess that’s what they are looking for with me partly.

  4. I can’t believe that it is almost time, it feels like yesterday when you shared about the amazing blessing and gift you received Christmas 2013, and now just a few days until his arrival. You are in my prayers. x

  5. Sara, I have been following your blog for months now with my fingers and toes crossed and my heart beating quickly while reading it. I just wanted to you wish you and your husband, encouragement, as you face your due date. We have a new grandson Finnegan, and I know that you have followed his Mother’s blog. As I have read your blogs, I feel that you are walking in the same steps as my son and daughter-in-law. And truth being told, us too. I wish you so much happiness as you hold you second son in your arms. Best wishes, Kathryn McMeekin

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