This end piece continues to be a roller coaster. The last couple of days were good. I smiled, laughed and felt positive. Baby boy passed his NST yesterday easily. They tried me on a different machine and found the heartbeat immediately–wish they’d figured that out earlier! My fluid was fine at an 11.4 (This time the tech said the norm is 5 to 25, slightly different than the last one said). Only one more OB appointment to go.
Today has been a rough day. I went to bed upset last night about money/budget worries and couldn’t seem to feel okay all day. I enjoyed a few quiet moments on the back patio reading and eating breakfast first thing in the cool post-rain air, but then I felt stressed and frantic about getting things done for the remainder of the day. I cried several times in the morning by myself. In the afternoon, my mom came over to help for a few hours and cleaned a bathroom, vacuumed, helped me hang pictures, etc. When we were having a quick lunch, I cried and vented to her, but she didn’t say much except “Oh, don’t stress”, which was just not possible today. She’s often a woman of few words. She went around the house making happy sounds and calling out cutesy things to my dog, which just highlighted the contrast to how I was feeling. I have genuine things to be worried about, but this must also be hormones and the nearness of the delivery day. I feel a little crazy. This is like nesting gone wild. Josh seems to be feeling this way some too as he started yelling at me as soon as I came in the door from seeing my speech client. Which did not help. Although he is not quite having the same nesting instinct as he keeps telling me he will get these things all done while he’s on his 2 weeks paternity leave. I want them done NOW. Before that baby comes home.
I have one more part of a day at home alone tomorrow, before my last trip to 45 miles south to see 3 speech kids. I really wish I could skip that appointment actually, and just focus on getting things done and maybe relax a little, but we need the money and I don’t want to be flaky to my newest clients. Hopefully the first part of the day seems long and I get enough of the to-do list done. And it would be nice to feel a little less crazy!
On Thursday, Josh starts his paternity leave and we have appointments all day: the fire station to get the car seat installed at 9:30, the pediatrician for a meet and greet at 10:55 (Yes I know I am very last-minute on these things, but they were just hard to do too far ahead and I procrastinated), then my last OB appointment and NST at 1:45. I’m looking forward to hearing from my doctor what exactly will happen the next day. After that, we have to go to the hospital for a pre-opp appointment and some blood work. I don’t know exactly what that will entail as the secretary at the OB office just told me about this pre-opp appointment on Monday.
I think we are to go in at 5:30 or 6:30 a.m. on Friday, with the delivery scheduled for 7:30 or 8:30. I have not packed a hospital bag yet. The living room rug is not vacummed yet. One of the nursery shelves is still hanging askew by 1 nail, waiting for Josh to fix it. I still have several necessary paper work items to do. But the breast pump parts have been boiled and assembled (hopefully correctly), the carpet and rug are cleaned and velcroed down in the nursery (the dog likes to roll on that wool rug so it’s constantly getting flipped up and haired. I’m hoping the Velcro will at least help keep it in place.) 2 more pictures got hung today. His first little clothes are washed. Many previously owned items have been washed or wiped down with disinfecting wipes. The bathtub in the bathroom we will use to bath him has been washed of dust (it never gets used currently). There are no dishes waiting at this moment. I did some major grocery and toiletry shopping. Hopefully we will be okay. I feel like the world is going to stop and I’m never going to have time/energy/focus to do any of these menial things again once he comes. And I kind of look forward to that! I just want to hear him cry, feel his warm soft skin, and bring home a live baby this time. I hope it takes over my life and makes the world a totally new place. I mourned the absence of every one of these small things last summer and I so want them this time around. Every new, scary, possibly stressful one.
2.5 days. Lord, please help me to stay calm and kind and to discern what the real priorities are. And if my back and feet could hurt a little less and I could quit having phlegm in the back of my throat every night that makes me feel like I’m going to choke while I sleep, that would be great. The drool on the pillow every morning I can deal with. Actually, don’t worry about any of it. I can do 2 more days of anything really. Please take care of this precious baby and help his lungs and body get ready for coming out into the world. I would love it if he could not need any interventions so that they don’t have to take him away and I can hold and feed him right away. Please let him love you most of all and be a happy, sweet baby. Please help me to be brave and calm during all the medical pieces that frighten me. Please give my Luke a goodnight kiss and tell him I love him. Thank you, Lord.
We are very close to choosing his name (2 favorites to decide between) and I am starting to finally feel some peace about it. Whew! Thanks, Lord. I am praying for you friends who are are in various stages of TTC, grieving and hoping for or carrying rainbow babies. You are very dear to me and I couldn’t do this without you. I read all of your comments and treasure them in my heart.
It make take a few days until we are home to post a birth announcement on here, so don’t panic if you don’t see it right away. I wasn’t planning to lug my laptop to the hospital and I’m not sure if I can post from my phone? I will let you know though!