Here are 2 recent Facebook posts regarding how I felt during Christmas this year:
I have always loved holidays. Last year was the first time in my life I ever dreaded them. They were a painful reminder that Luke was missing. I prayed for God to give us another baby for Christmas and He did! (I didn’t get a positive test until a few days after Christmas, but that baby was in there.) Samuel means “asked of God”. I am so thankful to have joy-filled holidays again this year with our new sweet baby, but I’m now aware how hard the holidays can be when you’re hurting. If that’s you this year, hang in there! God loves you. You are not alone.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”. Jeremiah 29:11
For my son Luke,
You are not forgotten and can never be replaced. You are part of our Christmas and forever part of our family. I can’t wait to be able to love on you in heaven in all the ways I can’t for now. Jesus, please give our Luke extra Christmas kisses.
It was definitely a more joyful holiday than last year. It was fun putting Samuel in a “Baby’s first Christmas” onesie and filming him opening his first gift. He did a great job–dangling it by the ribbon in his tiny fist and then actually helping pull off some paper! He was very intent on it.
I also missed my Luke and thought of him extra often. He would be 17 months. He would probably be running around and able to actually enjoy presents. That would be fun. We put up his stocking, his “First Christmas in Heaven” ornament, a colorful “L” ornament,, and burned the “Luke’s Light Never Fades in Heaven” candle my sister gave us last year. It was nice to include him, along with his new brother.
I hope you all had a merry Christmas. Happy New Year!