Samuel has his first cold. Hearing his little tiny baby coughs and having to spray saline solution up his nose, which he hates, is not easy. I want to comfort him, but there’s not a ton I can do. Use the Little Noses drops, put peppermint oil in the humidifier, use the nose suction bulb, give him extra cuddles..
I got a cold at the same time and I hadn’t had one since before I was pregnant with him. I don’t remember getting any full-blown colds while pregnant with Luke either. I had started to wonder if my prenatal vitamins were super potent. Whatever the reason I got to be temporarily almost immune, it was nice. Having this first bad cold after such a nice break from them, I was pretty miserable. I found myself thinking about being in heaven where I would not feel crummy like that ever.
All of this made me think about the fact that Luke never had to have a cold. No stuffy baby Luke nose. No raspy baby Luke coughs. No extra tears. No tears at all actually. And that is just the start of what I am sure to see Samuel suffer through. That is going to be hard. It makes me glad that my sweet Luke gets to skip all that. He won’t be touched with the grime of this life. Our purpose here is to grow in likeness to our maker. That does not come easy. That molding and shaping often hurts. After all that rough stuff, we finally get to be complete and redeemed in heaven, because God gave us a gift that none of us would ever give–His Son. His only Son. Luke got to skip all that. I can be glad of this for him. I know he is safe. There is no guarantee of perfect safety for Samuel until he hopefully gets to heaven too.
Does this make me happy that we lost him? No. Of course not. I don’t think that’s possible. I miss him. It was a horrific, shocking loss. The stuff of nightmares. It hurts. Lately I especially feel the loss of getting to see your two children together. To appreciate their likes and differences. To see their same golden hair and chubby cheeks, but to note the cleft in Luke’s little chin that Samuel does not have, for instance. To be able to say, “This one’s my sensitive one and this one’s my rough and tumble boy” or whatever the case may be. But, it is one small thing that reminds me that God’s plan is perfect. It is one positive of being without my son. What a lucky boy he is to go straight to the best stuff. I love you, my Luke.