I recently got my first mammogram and had to fill out some forms before hand. One question really bothered me. It said “Date of first live birth”. That just struck me wrong. To me, it said “don’t tell us about your firstborn child, your first son. He doesn’t count. Just tell us about the one who’s alive on earth. That’s all we care about.” I had to fight off angry tears. I haven’t had something strike me in that way for quite a while, so it surprised me. I’m sure there’s a reason they need to ask that specific question, but I just didn’t like it. It also reminded me that there are enough births that are not “live births” that they needed to specify that. Such a hard thing on this broken earth.
God continues to use my experience for good and I continue to make Luke a part of our family and our life. Tomorrow will be one month until his fourth birthday. This time of year is always a little bit harder for me, but I don’t feel so torn about what to do for his birthday this year. I want to celebrate it! Get a cake and release balloons. Maybe go out to eat to celebrate. That is what has been comfortable and what I want Sam to see. My mom asked me if I had plans for it and I appreciated her remembering to think of that. Hopefully some of our family can be part of it with us this year. Last year the weekend did not go very well. So I’m hoping for better things this year.