I want to buy a baby

Sam is now 3 years and 3 months and has been saying all sorts of funny and interesting things. I love it. This is one of the parts I looked forward to the most, the kid-isms that make you laugh.

The other night, I had a quick conversation with him about God always being with us. I told him that Jesus lives in my heart and He helps me to be a better person. A day or two later, I heard him telling Josh, “Mommy has God in her heart and he helps her get better!” I was amazed and delighted. My smart little boy šŸ˜Š

Tonight as I was tucking him in, he said, “I want to buy a baby. I want to buy it a little bed and have it sleep in my room.” I’ve been wondering when he might ask about siblings and trying to plan the best responses. How to best explain that he has a brother; his brother is just in heaven. We will see him and be with him again. I have told him about Luke many times of course, but I don’t think he fully understands brothers and sisters just yet. I’m excited to have opportunities to talk to him about Luke, but also anxious about the details. Tonight, when he asked about a baby, I found myself tearing up. I couldn’t reply for a few seconds. How I sometimes wish that his brother was here, playing with him.

Lord, please give me strength and wisdom in making Luke a present part of our family in a way that his little brother can understand and enjoy.


Another song for my Luke

I’ll see you in a little while, my sweet son. I love you. Your little brother doesn’t think we can have wings in heaven because “only birds have wings!” so you’ll have to show him how to fly. 

This song makes me think of you


Peace, not as the world gives

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.–John 14:27

I really liked this verse from the sermon at my church yesterday.Ā  I especially like the reminder that God has so much more for us than this broken world can give.Ā  He has the best peace there is.Ā  It can soothe worries and concernsĀ thatĀ not even the greatest thingsĀ in this world can assuage.Ā As I continue in a new stage of this grief journey, I need to remind myself not be troubled and not to be afraid.Ā Ā I can lean on Him and trust His plan.Ā  Thanks for the good reminder of your power and love, Lord.