Another song for my Luke

I’ll see you in a little while, my sweet son. I love you. Your little brother doesn’t think we can have wings in heaven because “only birds have wings!” so you’ll have to show him how to fly. 

This song makes me think of you


Merry Christmas


Merry Christmas friends!

I pray every night for those of you mourning a loss, for those waiting for their babies and for those caring for rainbow babies. I hope your heart is filled with God’s peace and hope. All you have to do is ask him.

This year, I bought an ornament with four little frogs hanging from a lily pad.  Each frog has a name for each member of our family, including our Luke in heaven.  I love you and miss you, my sweet Luke.  I wish I got to celebrate a Christmas with you, but I know I will get to celebrate much greater things with you in heaven.

Here is a couple recent pics of our rainbow /silver lining, Samuel. He brings us so much joy. And messes! 😉





6 months/ Putting Baby Clothes Away

Samuel turned 6 months yesterday. Half a year. I love all his new developments and the ways his cute appearance keeps growing. I’m also terrified. I love having a baby so much. My husband wants him to hurry and become more indestructible; I want to freeze his tiny frame as it is. He will eventually yell “No!”, get pimples, not let me kiss him whenever I want to…I relish every piece of having a precious baby. I love all his various noises and the creases on his chubby thighs. I love how he stares at me even when someone else is holding him. I love his bright, gummy smiles and clear blue eyes. I do not want any of it to change. I am so proud taking him in public. I feel special and blessed, having this adorable bundle that strangers stop and coo over.

We celebrated 6 months by giving him his first banana mush and taking him on his first fishing trip. I like that his half birthday is the day after Valentine’s. I think we should celebrate it every year. My own half birthday is Christmas day, so it’s neat that Samuel’s is also near a holiday. He is my little love bug 🙂

This morning, I made myself put away his 3 months and smaller baby clothes. He had still been wearing 3 to 6 months and even some 3 month clothes. I love all those little clothes. Most of them were purchased during my pregnancy with Luke, a few even before I was ever pregnant. They have all been lovingly chosen then waiting patiently in his stocked closet for over 2 years until his little brother came. I had a long time to imagine using them and to wonder if I ever would. I relish each dreamed-about little onesie I get to put on my live baby. It’s hard to pack them away! But it’s practical. I need to move the 6 month clothes up higher where they can be easily seen and used. I had to make myself just plow through, scan the tags for that 3, and yank them out quickly without really looking at them, like ripping off a band aid. I still left the 3 to 6 month items, reasoning that some of they may still fit a little longer;) There were a couple of 3-month outfits that still had tags, including one of my most favorites, which makes me sad. They were just too cold for Samuel to wear in winter, since they were purchased/gifted for his brother who was 3 months earlier and to be in different seasons at different ages. I don’t know what to do with those. It doesn’t feel right to pack them away and I can’t bring myself to give them to someone else either.

I am so enjoying my baby boy.

I miss his brother and wish I could see them together.

I think of you blog friends who are still waiting for that positive pregnancy test, who are carrying rainbow babies, or who are maybe just starting this hard journey of grieving a lost child.   I can tell you that it does get so much better and that there will be good things to come! Hills and valleys. When you’re in the valley part, just remember that the sunny hill part is coming, and that this life is just the blink of an eye compared to our time in heaven, which is coming soon!

Here are some pictures of the baby bear:

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