Happy 5th Birthday Luke

Happy 5th birthday in heaven, Luke. You would be starting kindergarten this year. I won’t get 1st-day-of-kindergarten pictures. I treasure these few photos of you we have. I trust that God’s plan is perfect and all will be redeemed in heaven. He has used you mightily in my heart and life already. I know you are safe and wrapped in God’s glorious love every moment. I talk about you alot to your little brother. He just told me that you are his favorite friend. ❤️ We celebrated you with your family yesterday and will be celebrating you today with friends. I love you, my son, and I can’t wait to see you again.

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Exciting acknowledgement of stillbirth as a loss like that of any child

This made me super excited. I am watching the documentary about “Diana, Our mother/life/legacy” about Princess Diana.  Prince William is talking to two people at a charity for child bereavement, Child Bereavement U.K., that his mother was  involved with. They introduce themselves and share their stories. The first woman says that she lost her baby girl Abby. She had a routine appointment at 38 weeks and they found no heartbeat. Then the man introduces himself. He lost a teenage daughter named Rosie at age 19. These two people equally represent a charity for child bereavement and one of them suffered a stillbirth just like my own. They acknowledge her unborn daughter’s loss in exactly the same manner as the man’s loss of his teenage daughter. I cannot express how much I love this. Even though I do feel that losing Luke after raising him for any span of time outside of the womb would’ve been harder, I love that they are acknowledging a loss like his as an equal loss of a child. 

I looked up their website and here is their mission statement, “Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, or when a child is facing bereavement.”  Awesome.  I know I  not the first to say this, but sometimes it seems that my beloved United States is behind the times on some things. 

Homesick

7-2-13

A blog I follow by someone else who has lost their baby posts song lyrics sometimes.  I like this idea and have been listening to songs carefully for words that can soothe the pain of this loss.  This one really struck a chord with me today.  It is by my favorite Christian music band Mercy Me and I have heard it many times before, but suddenly it really applies to me.  I hope the words can be of comfort to someone else too.  One thing I’ve found to be a result of losing Luke is that I long for heaven in a way I never have before.  To be honest, I thought of heaven as something good I liked as a general concept, but not something I thought about a ton really.  This has changed dramatically for me now that my baby is there.  The song says:

You’re in a better place,
I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times
I’ve rejoiced for you But the reason why I’m broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now

 

P.S.  A couple of days after I posted this, I decided to try to look up what inspired Bart Millard to write this song.  I was touched and excited to find out that it started out as a song for babies who were lost.  It made me feel validated in what I was applying it to in my own heart.  Here is what the article said about the song:

“’Homesick’ talks about those who are stuck around here after someone passes away. When you lose somebody, you learn what being homesick is really about. It’s a hard thing. It shapes who you are.’

The first loss came early this past holiday season. A friend five months pregnant with twins lost her babies; but with the pregnancy so far along, the doctors had to induce labor to remove the deceased infants. Millard, who sang “Imagine” at the babies’ funeral, went home that night and wrote the chorus to “Homesick,” though he couldn’t write much more. “I didn’t want to fake my way through it,” he says, explaining why he didn’t finish the song that night. “My dad passed away 13 years ago, and I just couldn’t recall what such a tragedy felt like.”

Throughout the month of December, the names of lost loved ones piled up as tragedy struck the families of band members, management and several hometown friends. The eighth casualty, thought to be the last, involved Millard’s 20-year-old brother-in-law. “Needless to say, what I didn’t remember came back quickly,” says Millard. “We finished ‘Homesick’ and sang it at Chris’ funeral.”