I want to buy a baby

Sam is now 3 years and 3 months and has been saying all sorts of funny and interesting things. I love it. This is one of the parts I looked forward to the most, the kid-isms that make you laugh.

The other night, I had a quick conversation with him about God always being with us. I told him that Jesus lives in my heart and He helps me to be a better person. A day or two later, I heard him telling Josh, “Mommy has God in her heart and he helps her get better!” I was amazed and delighted. My smart little boy 😊

Tonight as I was tucking him in, he said, “I want to buy a baby. I want to buy it a little bed and have it sleep in my room.” I’ve been wondering when he might ask about siblings and trying to plan the best responses. How to best explain that he has a brother; his brother is just in heaven. We will see him and be with him again. I have told him about Luke many times of course, but I don’t think he fully understands brothers and sisters just yet. I’m excited to have opportunities to talk to him about Luke, but also anxious about the details. Tonight, when he asked about a baby, I found myself tearing up. I couldn’t reply for a few seconds. How I sometimes wish that his brother was here, playing with him.

Lord, please give me strength and wisdom in making Luke a present part of our family in a way that his little brother can understand and enjoy.


Another song for my Luke

I’ll see you in a little while, my sweet son. I love you. Your little brother doesn’t think we can have wings in heaven because “only birds have wings!” so you’ll have to show him how to fly. 

This song makes me think of you


Exciting acknowledgement of stillbirth as a loss like that of any child

This made me super excited. I am watching the documentary about “Diana, Our mother/life/legacy” about Princess Diana.  Prince William is talking to two people at a charity for child bereavement, Child Bereavement U.K., that his mother was  involved with. They introduce themselves and share their stories. The first woman says that she lost her baby girl Abby. She had a routine appointment at 38 weeks and they found no heartbeat. Then the man introduces himself. He lost a teenage daughter named Rosie at age 19. These two people equally represent a charity for child bereavement and one of them suffered a stillbirth just like my own. They acknowledge her unborn daughter’s loss in exactly the same manner as the man’s loss of his teenage daughter. I cannot express how much I love this. Even though I do feel that losing Luke after raising him for any span of time outside of the womb would’ve been harder, I love that they are acknowledging a loss like his as an equal loss of a child. 

I looked up their website and here is their mission statement, “Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, or when a child is facing bereavement.”  Awesome.  I know I  not the first to say this, but sometimes it seems that my beloved United States is behind the times on some things.