A Song for Bethany: “One Less (Broken Heart)”

My dearest friend Bethany, this one’s for you. I have thought of you every time I’ve heard this song, but even more so now that you are in the process of adopting your little girl as that is the real subject of the song. I cry every time I hear that victorious line “A man and wife brought their little girl home today!” (even on the 5th listen today while getting this ready). I can’t wait to see this moment happen for you! I know you will soon be one less broken heart.


The doppler finally really worked!

I had an appointment with the perinatal office this past Tuesday.  I didn’t expect a doppler check (which is good because then I would have been worrying about it), but the nurse did one.  She found the baby’s heartbeat fairly quickly and it was beautiful.  157.  She put the wand up much higher than my OB has the previous 2 times when she had trouble hearing it.  So maybe the problem was just location and possibly equipment, since this appointment was only a few days after my last OB appointment when we didn’t really get a clear listen. 

I saw a new doctor at the perinatal office and he was pleasant.  He said we will have a detailed anatomy scan/level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks, an echocardiogram at 24 weeks, and monthly growth ultrasounds after that.  He said he is okay with me only coming to his office (an 85 mile or so drive) once per month for now.  All of that sounded good and was a relief.  He also told me I was doing a good job (with my blood sugars, which I am checking 4 times daily) which was really nice to hear.  Pregnancy really requires some work in any circumstances, so people should tell us things like that more!  I left feeling encouraged and more relaxed, which was so nice.  Thank you, Lord.  I’ll take as many days like that as I can get.   I took advantage of the day off work and the trip to Phoenix to have lunch with my sister, do a little shopping, and to have dinner with a friend from college.  It was a nice day all around.

I’m 17 weeks now and moving along day by day.  We scheduled the detailed anatomy ultrasound, during which we will hopefully find out the sex, for April 18–Good Friday.  I think that’s the perfect day for it:)  

I had a sad moment yesterday during a parent night at my school.  I was telling a dad what a nice boy his son was and he said his son has a very tender heart and he thinks he will do something that helps people in his life. Then he pointed to his younger son and said, “Then this one, on the other hand…polar opposite.”  He said the younger son is sweet too of course, but is an explosion of energy and aggression all day.  It made me think about how I will not know until I go to heaven how my Luke is alike and different from his sibling(s).  This baby I am now carrying may come out to look alot like Luke or he/she may look totally different. I frequently study families to see if their children are all very similar in appearance or all very different.  I see both.  I wonder how our children will look–similar to Luke or all distinctly different?  Either way, this baby will likely have a personality much different from Luke.  I wish I could get to see those differences and talk about them like that dad was.  I wonder what Luke will be like when I get to meet him again in heaven.

I am aware of all the points of loss of others that I now know about.  There are so many and they all across the board.  The next big one on my mind is my precious friend Bethany’s sweet Lucy at 19 weeks.

Please keep the prayers coming.  Every night, I pray for my friends here who are waiting for their rainbows, who are going through a new pregnancy, and who are dealing with loss and grief.