My sweet Luke,
Today is your 9th heavenly birthday! It seems like a long time and also not that long. Since we live in a fairly small town, I regularly drive by the office where they told us “there is no heartbeat”, the hospital where you were born, and the funeral home where you were cremated. I don’t relive the most horrible of those moments very often and driving by those places doesn’t always strike me, but I do think of you a lot. I talk about you with your little brother.
I don’t have very many mementos of you. Your hand and foot prints, a lock of hair, a few photos taken in the middle of the night, a certificate of birth from the hospital, a little blue starred onesie you briefly wore, the white flower they put on our hospital room door, and your ashes. But I know that all I am missing now, He will restore in heaven. We are separated by a thin veil for the blink of an eye, but we will be together for eternity. You are one of the most exciting parts of heaven for me. I expect to see you jumping up and down at the gate when I arrive, just like the little boy’s sister who was lost in the womb in “Heaven is for Real”. Or maybe you’ll be grown and not quite jumping-up-and-down age, but I at least expect the best reunion hug ever. I long to learn all the things I don’t get to know about you for now.
It continues to amaze me how God brings people going through a loss like yours into my life and how it comforts me to try to share with them whatever comfort I can from Him. We are definitely not the only people who have walked this path of loss and so many that I meet are so wonderful and love the Lord. So with earthly eyes, it does not make sense. But I know He does not waste anything and that “all things work together for good for those who love the Lord”(Romans 8:28), so I know He has allowed these life-altering losses for a reason. And He will redeem it. You are a big part of who I am and my testimony. You have helped me grow closer to Him and to fix my eyes on heaven. I love you so much. I will see you soon, my son!
Your little brother and I spent part of your day at one of our favorite places, Mortimer Farms. God arranged special gifts for us there in the form of unplanned run in’s with 2 special people. The first was the nurse we met when we first arrived at the hospital to deliver you. When we were in shock that you were gone, she gave us such sweet care. She signed up for an extra shift to be with us, arranged for our nurse in her absence to be a mom who had also lost her first son to stillbirth and handled many of our arrangements. When we returned to have Samuel 16 months later, she arranged to be at his delivery and even brought us a gift. Then we ran into my sweet friend Miranda who always talks to me about you and has celebrated several of your birthdays with us. I think it’s beautiful how God set up those meetings for me today. How much He loves us and takes great care of us!